The Year of Following Through
On the first day of 2023, I set an alarm on my phone to remind myself to cancel my future payment for this website and to go ahead and delete it. I hadn’t written for it in almost a year and quite frankly, I was ready to give up. I hadn’t felt the urge to write in months. I’ve filled myself with so much self-doubt. I stopped believing my words were good enough. I started comparing my writing to other people’s. I did what I’ve always done in the past, quit.
When I logged in today, I saw that past Ericka went ahead and did a payment for two years so turns out, I don’t have a payment due after all. But to me this means something more. For whatever reason, that past Ericka was ambitious and was certain that this, this website, would be the project she would not give up on. Fast forward a year later, here is present Ericka, ready to give up. It’s crazy how we allow time to work against us. And I think it’s important to listen to what our old selves wanted before our new selves began to doubt our abilities. January 2022 Ericka didn’t want me to give up on this. January 2021 Ericka was filled with so much excitement about blogging. January 2020 Ericka never would’ve guessed she would be where she is today.
Here’s the thing, commitment, in all of its shapes and forms, is not on brand for me. I’m disorganized, scatterbrained, chaotic, and lack discipline. I start things and get overwhelmed and never finish them. My promises are sometimes empty and my fervor for some things fizzles out. You may be thinking: “Omg, Ericka, don’t talk about yourself this way”. But y’all, self-awareness is key. I think it’s all about what you do with this knowledge. I know how I am and I know that I don’t like it. So ultimately, its up to me to do something about it. And I really want this to be the year of following through. Not only with new things but the old things and projects I let go of in the past.
As I wrap this up, my alarm just went off to delete my website. But I guess I won’t be doing that because Ericka in all timelines does not like to waste money. So let’s try this again:
Hi, my name is Ericka and I love books & plants and I would love to talk to you about them. Welcome to my blog.
Oh and Happy New Year!